As a student, I always struggled to understand why the long-awaited post-exam 'free' days were the most boring. It simply didn't make sense. We were free, with no deadlines, no exam stress, no performance anxiety and all the free time to do whatever we wanted — be it endlessly watching movies, reading books, hanging out with friends, or lazing around. Later on, after becoming a parent myself and watching my children go through similar feelings I came to realize that a difficult, long, and tiring journey is better than one where there is no destination.
We humans are programmed this way. We not only seek direction but also a destination, which ideally connects that direction based on a purpose. This purpose is our WHY. We need this WHY for the smallest of things, like moving an obstacle away from a road, to the biggest of things, like what to do with our life. The problem is that the bigger the task — in terms of risk, duration, complexity, commitment — the more important this WHY becomes. Moreover, in such a situation, we humans don't settle for unconvincing answers.
The Biggest WHY
The first question that comes to mind is: what is the biggest WHY of one's life? Undoubtedly, it is finding out why one was created. In other words: what is the purpose of our existence? Not knowing the correct answer to this question can actually give rise to an existential crisis, a condition very well-researched in psychology. This invariably leads to meaninglessness, which opens the door to all kinds of negative feelings and behaviors.
The WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic) countries, despite their material progress and affluence, are more affected by such phenomena, due to the dominance of secularism in their societies. More than 1 in 6 adults have depression as rates rise to record levels in the US. From 2011 to 2022, over half a million lives (539,810) were lost to suicide, with 2022 showing the highest number of deaths on record. Studies establish that lack of purpose is at least a catalyst in this trend.
You will definitely agree that the purpose of anything and everything can only be set by its manufacturer. What does that mean for humans? It means that if we are sincerely interested in finding our purpose, we need to refer to the manufacturer, the Creator, Allah (swt). Otherwise, we might get quite busy and occupied, but without any real meaning.
What Has the Creator Said?
As Allah (swt) talks to us through the Qur'an, let's consider what He (swt) has to say. The following two Ayaat are very relevant:
أَفَحَسِبْتُمْ أَنَّمَا خَلَقْنَـٰكُمْ عَبَثًۭا وَأَنَّكُمْ إِلَيْنَا لَا تُرْجَعُونَ ١١٥
"Did you then think that We had created you without purpose and that you would never be returned to Us?" (TMQ Al-Mu'minun:115)
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ ٥٦
"I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me." (TMQ Ad-Dhariyat:56)
Do we require any other answer about this subject after reading this? I don't think so. The only clarity needed by some might be to define the scope of 'worship Me' (liya'budun). Of course we know from the life of the Prophet, his Sunnah, his Seerah, the lives of the Sahabah and the various tafaseer that this is referring to complete submission to Allah (swt) and adoption of a lifestyle as prescribed by Him, be it our individual matters or collective ones, be it our spiritual matters or the more worldly ones.
The WHY of Parenting
Once we have discovered our biggest WHY, the next discussion which automatically ensues is that of what are some other big WHYs in our life. The one that tops this chart for parents is: what is the WHY of parenting? What is my ultimate objective of my parenting? How does that connect to the purpose of my life — worshipping Allah? If we get this straight, our parenting will have the right direction, correct destination, plentiful motivation and the necessary meaningfulness.
Getting back to the Creator Himself, let's see what guidance we can get with regards to the WHY of our parenting. Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًۭا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ
"O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones..." (At-Tahrim:6)
The Ayah above actually leaves no room for ambiguity with regards to the purpose and goal of our parenting: saving our children from hellfire. This of course requires equipping them with the right Aqeedah (creedal concepts), nurturing a healthy self-esteem, developing their Aqliyah (intellect) and instilling the correct nafsiyah (disposition).
May Allah (swt) grant us the power, wisdom and patience to make our children His (swt) obedient servants.
